Reality

“Oh!  Don’t even say that!”

That is what someone close to our family (no one reading here!) said to me this weekend. 

I had said these words in our conversation:  “If my husband loses his job….”

Why shouldn’t I say this?  This is, and has been our reality for months now (and this person knows this!)  We know it is coming, hopefully later rather than sooner.  We don’t talk about it much but it’s always (always!) in the background, casting a shadow over everything we do.  The uncertainty in our life right now is often overwhelming.  So, yes, sometimes the words slip out:  “If my husband loses his job….”

The situation in my small family makes people uncomfortable.  I get that.  My youngest sister has been laid off from her teaching job.  She makes people uncomfortable. No matter how often we hear about this lousy economy, when people  are confronted with others experiencing these hard times, they don’t know what to say.  They want to pretend or hope it won’t happen.  Believe me, I do, too!  They know that they could so easily be in the same situation tomorrow or the next day or the next year.  And it makes them uncomfortable.  

I understand.  Really, I do.  But being in this situation makes ME uncomfortable, too.  Every freaking day.  So, sometimes, I just need to say it:  “If my husband loses his job….”

I’ll try hard not to say it too often  (I want to scream it every minute!) but sometimes, I just have to say it.

Home Again, Safe At Last

I wrote a while ago about our dear turtle, Scooter getting lost.  While we had not given up hope of finding Scooter, we were getting a bit discouraged and worried.  I spent a lot of time looking out the windows of our house, wondering where in the world he could be.  Yes, I know turtles are sturdy animals that are meant to live outside but , our turtle?  He led a pampered life.  He made his home in a comfy cage in our house that is equipped with warming lights and dined on meal worms, fruits and vegetables delivered on a regular schedule.  Thoughts of how he was surviving (or not) in the wilds pretty much consumed me.

 

Yesterday, after being gone for fifty one days, our small friend returned home.  My husband spotted him on our back patio late in the day, with a look on his face that seemed to ask,  “Where ya BEEN?”  Scooter was filthy and a little dazed at first, but he was home.  Oh, how we celebrated!  We hugged and high-fived each other.  My sweet son had tears in his eyes.  And the turtle?  Well, is it just me or does it look like he’s kind of glaring at us?

 

 

His cage was ready and waiting- we had not changed a thing since the day he walked away.  But first, a bath was in order.

 

 

The boy held him while I straightened up his cage and filled his water bowl.

 

 

Scooter nearly dove head first into his water and then took the longest turtle drink I have ever seen.  Then, he was ready for some real food.  Fifty one days is a long time to go between meals.

 

 

Before the boy went to bed last night, the three of us sat on the floor in front of Scooter’s cage, like the turtle-obsessed freaks that we are and said things like,  “We’re glad you’re back, Scooter.” and  “We missed you, Scooter.” and, from my not-so-sentimental husband,  “I think you missed us as much as we missed you.”  (SO out of character for the husband!)  We fretted too:  “Did he have that small crack on his shell before?”  “Did his neck always look like that?”  It’s hard to tell what Scooter was thinking, but I’m pretty sure he felt glad to be back.  At least he had stopped glaring at us.

Since Scooter walked away, things have not been quite right here at our house.  It seems like we just kept having bad luck and a sort of unsettled feeling was hovering over us.  But, today, the turtle is back and all seems right with the world.  I’m taking this as a small sign that things will get better.  Well, unless they don’t.

 

“It’s like he is a pioneer, Mom, and he just got home from an adventure!”

Writing Contest

Scribbit is having an April Writing Contest and I’ve entered this post on the subject of being a mom.  I couldn’t resist entering because  the contest is being judged by the talented lady who writes one of my favorite blogs, Antique Mommy.  I’m not counting on winning, just thought it would be fun to enter.  I’m a rookie at this whole blogging thing and really have no clue what I am doing- I just like to write.

A Birthday

Thirteen years ago today, my fourth niece was born, a tiny girl with a damaged heart. Surgery to repair her small heart failed and, at the age of five months and one week, that little girl became our family angel. She swims with the dolphins now, bobbing and waving at us from the ocean on summer days at the beach. A person, a family is never the same after such a loss. There is no “getting over” the death of a baby. Life goes on, as it tends to do, but there will always be reminders to open the wound you thought was nearly healed. My dear sister, she has struggled. Maybe not always because her baby died, but….sometimes, because her baby died. For myself, losing my niece gave me a “life is short” attitude that is still with me, even thirteen years later. Knowing that girl gave me the courage to change my mind and have a child. And knowing that girl has helped me to remember to hold my boy a little closer, a little tighter, because life can change forever in a split second, in ways you never, ever expected.

 

Happy Birthday, dear small niece.  You have not been forgotten.  How could we forget such a girl as you?

Maybe We Don’t Need To Worry About A College Fund

Conversation at our house:

 

The Boy:  “Mom, when you were on Spring Break and I wasn’t, if I didn’t already have perfect attendance this year, would you have let me stay home with you?”

 

The Mom:  “Maybe.  I don’t know.  You should probably go to school on the days you’re supposed to go.  Some day, you will be expected to go to work every day.”

 

The Boy:  “Unless I’m a hobo.”

 

The Mom:  “Well, yes, honey.  Unless you’re a hobo.”

More Trouble

Things are still not looking so good for the monkey.

 

 

The fun pretty much never ends here.

Wonderful Spring Break

I am nearing the end of a two week Spring break.  Yes, one week of not being paid was not enough, they had to throw in an extra week.  Also, the boy is NOT on Spring break.  He will be off the week after Easter and I will have to scramble around to find child care for him.  For those folks who tell me that it will be so great to have time to myself while I am off and the boy is in school, let me say this: 

No!!  NO!!  NOT GREAT!

I don’t need time to myself, I need time with my kid.  I had plenty of time to myself before I had him at age 40 and I’ll have plenty of time to myself after he is grown and on his way.  Being on my own until 3p.m. each day, when I can go pick him up, is really kind of lonely.  When he is around, he makes me laugh and keeps me from worrying every minute of the day.  I know this may seem odd, but I have never wanted a break from that boy, not even when he was very small.  I know, I’m a freak.  And I can accept this.

Since  my wonderful Spring break started, the following have occurred in my life:

-My computer caught a virus which took me days to fight off successfully (yay me!) but has left me with the feeling that I have been through a war.  Also?  My computer is not fun anymore and has been added to my list of worries.  I really need more worries- thanks, computer!

-In madly cleaning my computer of the virus, I messed up my email account (don’t ask) and had to change the email address I’ve had for six years.  Six years! 

-I got on the wrong freeway and made my boy late to the Math Olympics.  Enough said.

– In trying to correct my wrong freeway mistake, I drove way (way!) too fast and got a speeding ticket.  A big one.  With a big fine. 

Um, I REALLY need to go back to work.  

And not have time off EVER AGAIN.