First Place, Baby!

After eating, sleeping and breathing the Science Fair for three long months, that red-headed kid took first place in the 4th grade. 
 
First place!  
 
I didn’t think he would win first place, and so, being the wonderful, supportive mom that I am, I PUT MY CAMERA AWAY after second place was awarded. 

Mother of the Year- that’s me! 
 
When I made my way up to the stage to take his picture with the principal, I found a kid with the biggest smile ever on his face.  Naturally, I am more than proud of him, but really?  He should be proud of himself- he worked hard and went that “extra mile” that I’m always nagging, I mean, telling him about.

Before walking back to my seat after taking his picture up on the stage, I looked at him and our eyes met for a moment.  It felt like he was thanking me for helping him with that look, saying,  “We did it, Mom!”  We have been through so much together, this boy and I, especially in the last year.  My heart grew a little larger for him in that moment.  After nine years with him, I’m surprised my heart still fits inside my body, it’s grown that much.
 
And I remembered all those late nights and early mornings we shared when he was just a small baby.  I would be so tired but my child development background wouldn’t let me stay quiet:  I talked to him and talked to him and then talked to him some more, knowing that some day, it would have been worth it. 
 
Totally worth it, baby! 

 

Positive Glasses

So, I made my new year’s goal and then just stopped writng here for a while.

Why?

Because Iwas busy.

And also?

I had nothing positive to say.

I started the new year working at keeping this goal.  Really, I did.  I did great that first week. 

The second week?  Well, not so much. 

One night, as I was talking with the boy before bedtime, he said something negative.  I said,  “Oh, no, no.  Let’s get back on a positive thought.”  He said that there was nothing positive he could say.  So, I started to tell him about my goal for the new year.  I told him that when times are tough, it’s harder to be positive but, if you look really hard, you can find even the smallest of positives.

He grumbled some more.

I just started talking then and told him I had a pair of Positive Glasses that I just happened to pick up and I keep them in my pocket at all times (I patted my pocket where my glasses lived).  On a day when it’s particularly difficult to see those small positives, I told him that’s when I know I need to take those glasses out and put them on.  I got up off his bed, took those glasses out of my pocket, pretended to clean them off and put them on.  I exclaimed over the positives I could now see regarding his negative situation.

It was so silly!  Back in the old days, I worked with preschoolers every day.  My favorite times were having group time, chatting with kids and spinning stories as they listened.  This story was really a story for a 4 or 5 year old.  My boy is nine.  I waited for him to roll his eyes or say,  “Yeah, whatever, Mom.”

But he didn’t.  He laughed and said,  “Mom!”.  I kept on, calling out the positives I saw that appeared to be everywhere, now that I had my glasses out of my pocket and on my eyes.  He laughed again.  Then, we were both laughing. 

That?  Is a huge positve, one I don’t need glasses to see.

Since our night time conversation, I have patted my pocket more than once, reminding my boy that if he needs those glasses, they are ready and waiting.  It makes us laugh, or at least smile every time.

So, get out your positive glasses, folks!  I have mine.  They’re right here in my pocket.

And remember:  Like all glasses, they only work if you wear them.

Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.

Parting Words To 2009: See Ya!

Can I just say that 2009 was the worst year ever for me?

O.K., I will.

2009 was the worst year ever for me.

I say that in the most positive way:  WORST. YEAR. EVER.

And yet, it doesn’t change the fact that life goes on, the sun still rises, I still have to get up each morning and face the day.  So I do, I will.

But a new year brings hope, a chance to start over.  I’m not crazy enough to think just because a new year is starting, things will automatically get better. 

I’m a little crazy, but not THAT crazy.

However, a brand new year can still carry hope.  Sometimes?  Hope is all you have.

I’m not one to make new year’s resolutions (although many years ago I resolved to stop biting my nails and I did!), but I always try to set a few goals.  This year, I will try to find the positive in this life, even when it is hard to see.

Like, even though the husband has been out of work for 6 months, our yard looks great since he has so much extra time to do yard work, sometimes raking leaves AS THEY ARE FALLING.

Yeah, I know it’s a stretch. 

Still, finding the positive is my goal for 2010.  And being kinder.  And a bit more patient.

This kid?  A HUGE positive in my life.

And I don’t even have to look hard to see that.

So, 2009?  Go on, GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU CRAZY YEAR!

Happy New Year to you and everyone you love or care about.

Faith….Hope….Love….Peace.

Christmas Morning

5:47am, folks.  Just….5:47am.
  
That’s a new Christmas morning record at this house.

 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
 
At least until next Christmas, anyway.

This I Know

A couple of months ago, I started a new job.  I work in the same school but now I work in a special education classroom with children in kindergarten through second grade.  I loved this job from the very first day and I have NEVER loved the first day of any job, even jobs I grew to love eventually.  This is where I belong, where I am meant to be.

I work primarily with a five-year-old in kindergarten who has Down Syndrome.  In all my years of working with kids, he is the most strong-willed kid I have ever met  (and I’ve met a lot of them!)  

One day, when he was being more strong-willed than usual, if that is even possible, the teacher said,  “Sometimes, they make us question our sanity.”

“Oh, no”, I said, “I don’t have to ask.  I already know I’m crazy.”

And then we all just laughed.

We laugh a lot in this new classroom of mine.  I feel like I am home.

Just Playing The Game

Here is the boy, celebrating his victory over his mom in Monopoly.

His very FIRST game of Monopoly.

Yes, on the day that he asked, “Mom, will you teach me to play Monopoly?”, he totally beat me. He landed on one of my silly properties once and I said, “Ha! You owe me $12 rent!”, thinking maybe I had a chance left. The boy said, as he counted out that $12, “Mom. It’s really not that much since I’m basking in all this money.”

Yes, he DID really say that: basking.

Ya know, I think I’m in trouble here.

Send help. Please.

I Spend My Day With Children

I have called myself a teacher, a director of a child care program, an instructional aide.  I have a new job these days and now I call myself a special ed aide. 

But really?  I simply spend my day with children. 

I cannot believe my good fortune.

Most days, I look forward to spending my day with children.  Once I get to school, I know I am where I am meant to be.  I smile and say hello to everyone I pass.  I often feel glad during my day that I get to come to school, that this is where I work.

I know- I’m a dork.

Like anybody else, sometimes I don’t want to get up at dark-thirty and start my day.  Sometimes as I get ready, I imagine that I will call in sick.  Sometimes as I walk up to the school doors, I wish my day at work was already over.  Who doesn’t wish such things from time to time?

Then I walk in those doors and to my classroom and I am so glad to be there.  I can never be sad for too long in a room full of kids.  For the time that I spend at school, my worries (mostly) melt away and I am at peace. 

Then I spend the rest of the day with my boy.  I continue spending my day with children.  The other night, I spent a rare few hours out without the boy.  I had a fine time but….I missed my kid. 

I know- I’m a dork.

But I don’t care.  Adults are interesting and necessary in my day, but there is nothing like a kid to make you laugh, make you think.

I spend my day with children. 

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  

 

 

I Wish I Knew

I have this niece, this blond-haired niece.  As an infant, toddler and preschooler, she attended the child care program I directed.  She cried a lot in child care, that first year.  I carried her around with me, sometimes for a good part of the day, leaving my work unfinished.  This was in the days before my son was born, so I was able to stay late, after the center was closed and get my work done.  It was worth it though, to have that time with my niece.  To comfort her and let her know she was safe in the crazy place that is child care. 

I saw this blond-haired niece every day at school until she moved on to kindergarten.  By then I had my own son and I just didn’t see my niece as much.  I managed to stay close with her, though and my boy and her spent some good times together.

This year, for the first time ever, I do not know what this niece will be for Halloween.  I cannot call her up or email her and ask.  I cannot even ask her if, at nearly 12 years old,  maybe she is too big to trick-or-treat this year.    

Why?  Because my sister does not speak to me. 

The issues between my sister and I are not for me to write about here.  Because they are just that:  between my sister and I. 

But I have no issues with this blond-haired niece.  None at all.  Yet, I cannot ask her what she’ll be for Halloween.

The feelings I have about the issues between my sister and I are many, and of course sadness is mixed in there.  The feelings I have about not being able to talk to this niece, to find out what she is doing?  ONLY sadness.  More sadness than I can even write about.

 

I wish I knew what she was doing for Halloween this year.  Really, I do.

What I Wanted To Say/What I Said Instead

What I wanted to say to the kindergarten teacher who shook her head in disgust when she saw me in the office (during lunch recess) with one of her students who had an accident and needed to change her clothes:

“She’s five years old!  FIVE!  She’s still new to kindergarten.  And she said she told you she had to go to the bathroom in class but you told her, “Not now.”  She doesn’t have the planning skills to remember to always go at recess.  Because SHE’S FIVE!  None of your kids ever had an accident?  Or just made a mistake?  Because THEY WERE FIVE?!”

What I said instead:

“I’ll walk her back to class when she’s done.”

What I wanted to say to Mean Kindergarten Teacher (not the one just mentioned) when I saw her in the copy room as I was signing in one morning:

“So, Mean Kindergarten Teacher, how many kids are you going to yell at and  treat poorly today?  How many adults will you degrade and make feel like crap?  And how do you not feel guilty for doing this at the end of your day?  Because if I were you, I wouldn’t really be able to live with myself or call myself any kind of teacher.  My opinion (not that you would ever ask for it)?  Kindergarten teacher was NOT a good choice for you when you were deciding on a career.  Guess it’s too late now!” 

What I said instead:

“Good morning, Mrs. T!”

What I wanted to say to the husband when he said I didn’t have to drive across town just to pick something up for him, he was sure I had plenty of other things to do:

“I NEED A BREAK!  DON’T YOU?!  I know it’s not your fault that the economy sucks and you have been out of work for more than three months, but being together EVERY FREAKIN’ MINUTE except for when I’m at work is wearing me down!  Some couples can be together 24/7, but we?  Are not one of those couples!  Or, at least I am not one of those people!  Maybe you are, but I?  Am not that strong!  So the half hour it will take me to drive  to/back from the other side of town?  May be the only break I can get for a while.  Love you!  Bye!”

What I said instead:

“Oh, it’s no problem, honey.  I got nothing but time!”

What I wanted to say to the boy when he said, as he often says,  “Did you know you’re the best mom?”:

“Did you know you’re the best kid?  You are THE BEST THING that has ever happened to me!  You make me laugh every day and being a mother to you is THE BEST THING I’ve ever done!  Love you, man!” 

What I said instead:

“Did you know you’re the best kid?  You are THE BEST THING that has ever happened to me!  You make me laugh every day and being a mother to you is THE BEST THING I’ve ever done!  Love you, man!”

Well, at least I got the last one right.

He’s With The Band

Decided he wants to be in the band at school.

Decided on the instrument all on his own.

Says maybe he’ll be a blues player when he grows up, but not the famous kind.  He says he’ll be a hobo who plays on the corner with a hat in front of him for people to drop money in.

 

Lord, give me strength.